Recipe for Being Single in your 40’s


3.141 pounds of fortitude
2 metric tonnes of self-worth*
3 bushels independence
8 ounces comfortable solitude
7 cups courage**
1 thick skin***
2 dashes of sarcasm
A pinch of clever comebacks
Sass and style to taste

*Self-worth can be replaced with one brave facade, whole. However results may fall flat like an underdone souffle.

**Do not substitute, ingredient is required for defying expected social standards.

***Stretched, scarred and/or misshapen skins are ok.


    1. In a large mixing bowl combine a foundation of fortitude, courage, and self-worth. When using a brave facade in place of self-worth, do not over beat. Facades are fragile and tend to crumble.
    2. In a separate bowl, sift together independence and comfortable solitude. Do not skip sifting or the confection will have lumpy moments of self-doubt and instances of loneliness that will be chalky and unpalatable. Fold the mixture in with the foundation ingredients.
    3. Once the concoction comes together in a cohesive psyche, scoop into the skin. Size, shape, and color of the skin are immaterial. However, texture matters – your final product will be subject to judgement and prejudice. The thicker the skin, the safer the internal identity will be.
    4. Sprinkle with sarcasm and clever comebacks to the why-are-you-still-single question, such as “not everyone can handle this fabulousness” and “I really don’t have the time, with implementing my plan for world domination and all.”
    5. Add sass and style, tasting often, and cure for at least 40 years.

Best served with a complex Cabernet and accompanied by the unwavering companionship of a Labrador Retriever.

9 thoughts on “Recipe for Being Single in your 40’s

  1. d3athlily says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed the shit out of this (pardon the swear, but it was necessary, it really emphasizes my point). I have zero feedback, and nothing but unwavering admiration for you. Love you! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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