3.141 pounds of fortitude
2 metric tonnes of self-worth*
3 bushels independence
8 ounces comfortable solitude
7 cups courage**
1 thick skin***
2 dashes of sarcasm
A pinch of clever comebacks
Sass and style to taste
*Self-worth can be replaced with one brave facade, whole. However results may fall flat like an underdone souffle.
**Do not substitute, ingredient is required for defying expected social standards.
***Stretched, scarred and/or misshapen skins are ok.
- In a large mixing bowl combine a foundation of fortitude, courage, and self-worth. When using a brave facade in place of self-worth, do not over beat. Facades are fragile and tend to crumble.
- In a separate bowl, sift together independence and comfortable solitude. Do not skip sifting or the confection will have lumpy moments of self-doubt and instances of loneliness that will be chalky and unpalatable. Fold the mixture in with the foundation ingredients.
- Once the concoction comes together in a cohesive psyche, scoop into the skin. Size, shape, and color of the skin are immaterial. However, texture matters – your final product will be subject to judgement and prejudice. The thicker the skin, the safer the internal identity will be.
- Sprinkle with sarcasm and clever comebacks to the why-are-you-still-single question, such as “not everyone can handle this fabulousness” and “I really don’t have the time, with implementing my plan for world domination and all.”
- Add sass and style, tasting often, and cure for at least 40 years.
Best served with a complex Cabernet and accompanied by the unwavering companionship of a Labrador Retriever.